Saturday, October 11, 2008

the best thing since sliced....

I realize that this has suddenly turned into a sort of baby boomer referenced blog...john ford coley and england dan, Kenny Loggins, and people might not get that cultural jumping off points(and believe me, the 70's was a good place to jump's as easy as one word(Disco),Two Words(Village People),Three Words(Saturday Night Fever)). And right now I feel like I am going back to the well one more time. It is true...I am a cultural maven of the 70's. I know every obscure 70's actor who ever appeared on say,The Mary Tyler Moore show. We'll watch Nick Tv and I"ll say "Oh.the actor Jerry Foley" or 'Wow, Ted Bessell...but as far as modern stuff? My wife will watch tv and I"ll say
"Who's That?"
"Jorja Fox...CSI!"
"Who's That?"
"Hugh Laurie...House"
"Who's That?"
"Barrack Obama"

I have dropped off the cultural template of the united states, which seems more shifting than the tectonic plates of the earth....
so I find comfort in shuddering at cultural icons that I remember,and once again would love to go back to Bread,the soft rock band of the 70s. Ok,how did they name their band?
"Ok,what kind of music should we do? "
"Well, lets do music that will make girls weep in their bedroom, and guys want to crawl in a hole because they are not as sensitive as we are. I think we should be the sort of band that girls will want to put giant posters of us in their rooms, allowing them to have teenage fantasies about us, perhaps running in open,soft focused fields of flowers,and then ending up in beds with us,making sweet soft rock love,sensitive and caring,where we all weep at the end by how complete a sexual experience it was for both of us."
"Ok....How bout Bread?"
" Hey man, I"m so stoned!!! This is the best sandwich. Man,this bread is amazing!"
"Yeah, let's make a band called Bread"

But, do you notice that in your brain,the guys of Bread were not stoners. They were sensitive guys who read all the feminist fiction and tried to figure out how to find the g spot for the ultimate female experience,whereas bands like steppenwolf , and even Kenny Rogers always seemed like they were stoned at very least.
So,most of you have no idea who Bread was. First off it was a band. With like a drummer,and a bass player. But basically it was David Gates....
David Gates...I think of David Gates sitting on a beanbag chair in some loose elizabethan shirt, looking at The Feminine Mystique, thoroughly interested in what it was like to be a woman...and coming up with just the perfect sensitive way to bag the chick.
When I think of Bread I immediately think of "Baby, I"m a Want You". Ok,what guy writes a song called "Baby I"m a Want You". "I"m a want you?" . I do not have the capacity to title people with a verb and a pronoun. "Baby, I"m a want you. Steve, you are a need guy. Bruce, you are a run she". I think if I did that someone would say "David,you're a nut bag".

Besides "Baby, I"m a Want You" there is " I would give Everything I Own(just to have you back again)"," If"(If a picture paints a thousand words then how do I paint you,the world will never know,the you I"ve come to know), and" I want to make it with you". So,now we get the evil Bread scheme,the brain of a male sexbag hidden in a mystique reading ,lingerie shopping long haired ren faire going hippie. Soften em up with all the" material goods don't mean a thing to me,I can't paint how beautiful you are. Lets hump like crazed weasels....oh I mean, I want to Make It With You."

Everybody talks about how crude rap is,and other music...but let's not fool ourselves....All that sensitive stuff is just another way to get laid.

So,what is my point?
Just felt like writing about Bread.
And I wrote it for you are special,I"d give my hybrid car just to have you back.
Baby, I"m a Write Man

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