Tuesday, December 23, 2008

the death of wonder bread

ok,so I am sitting in our local brewpub...the evolution of which has in itself been a bit of an epic.  Before it was the brewpub it is now it was an upscale brewpub.  One that tried to pair the elegant meals with the beer.  You know,no thanks.  I want nachos that aren't made with birch parlor smoked venison and hot house tomato based gilroy free range garlic salsa,and organic habeneros.  Give me the frickin cholestorol bomb...i mean really.  And pairing the beer?  PBR baby.  (I"m actually kidding,I like microbeer...a lot).  And these mountain biker people,really nice, are talking about some food, and they say "It reminds me of the bread they used to have..Wonder Bread...oh,remember that bread?  Red,blue,yellow circles on the package.  Really,remember that?".  
"Wait?" i say,outweighing them by twice.  "They still make Wonder Bread."
'Oh,no way>  No."
"Absolutely."  knowing well they were the food snobs...they were just waiting at the bar for the venison to age slightly.  They were waiting for the other bar to reopen.
These are the people that drive me crazy.  We have a bunch of friends who don't have t.v.s.  Ok,that is fine.  I never watch mine...but I mean,you're living in the world,ya know.  Open your eyes.  
I was at a party...ok,the party was at my house, and my friends were talking about the new simpsons movie.  This guy says"  The Simpsons....are they still on?"
What?
What?
So these people who decry wonder bread....they are the ones who have a secret stash in their closet(it never goes bad) and after they feed the kids the bean sprout filets,come on,we know it,they go to the closet ,pull out the wonder and the velveeta and make grilled cheese sandwiches.  Ok,you know that sounds good.
Allright,we could eat healthier,for sure....But when we throw a party the first thing to go is the mac and cheese.  This is not box,it is homemade,but it is not some whole wheat pasta,guyere and blanched goat milk thing with capers.  It's macaroni,and cheese,and butter,and milk,and bread crumbs(probably the dreaded wonder).
and it's so fun to see these women who feed their children oat bran cookies just mainlining the mac and cheese.....and taking the spray easy cheez and sucking it down like it's a bong.
  so i went to the wonder bread website.  Still exists.  Still exists.  It will be here after you homesprouted spelt bread has bit the dust.  and ,hey!!!!they have recipes.

So there is this guy at the brewpub who decided the salsa wasn't hot enough,brought his own peppers and gave them to the kitchen.  He sits there and sweats,and eats all this stuff the special make just for him.  What do you think they would do if I brought my own wonder bread...or better yet,a recipe for cheesy puffy cassarole from the wonder website...and then,after the sat the creation in front of me I asked them for a beer pairing.

1 comment:

scott said...

For the record I have no commercial television AND I love nachos with birch parlor smoked venison, hot house tomato, free range garlic salsa,and organic habeneros, yet, I know Wonder Bread exists still. Updates on the Simpsons is another story.

Another fun blog entry! Thanks.