elimination of bummer boy!!!!!

so, ok, hi!!!!

I am back.

Let's see if I can come up with some pop cultural filled tidbit to let you know it is me.

ok

did you know that waylon jennings was supposed to be on the plane flight that killed Buddy Holly? He lost the coin toss. Had to drive!!!

Ok, which leads me to an idea I just got for a t.v. show called "TIME MACHINE", where people from the present go back in time(Cue Huey Lewis) to fix things... Like what if the uber captain Sullenberg could go back in time and fly the buddy holly plane

would things be different?

How bout if a race car driver drove James Deans car.

Doesn't this sound like a great idea?  But,ya know,these good ideas dont really work,revisiting the past to figure out where you need to go is helpful,but wallowing in the middle of it is not so good.

I have been doing a reworking of dietary longings here this week...no brew pub,no processed carbs,not a lot of meat....and so far it hasn't been so hard.  I am hoping it is helping...I mean,I suppose it can't hurt.

Ok

So, things have turned the dark corner, and though I weigh more than ever and am the siza of marie callendars butt(see, she makes pie, so her ass must be big) I think things are at their optimum negative point and are moving forward...or in the language of my same weighted Cow brethren!!!! MOOOOOOOOOOving forward..

Hit me a slick spot, Granny.

The title comes from our trip to see Jesus rise from the dead. Ok, that is not really a vacation spot, but I bet ya didn't think of Eureka Springs,Arkansas as a destination either. I mean, let's face it. Most people where I live think of the sands of Maui, or Machu Picchu as their destination for vacation. No one thinks of The Bible Museum in Arkansas. Or the home of the Ozark Passion Play.
Yes, when you see the Ozark passion play the tickets state "In case of Rain, Money will be refunded if rainfall is before the Last Supper"... and the rain panchos look like white sheets.
Well, while walking to the seats, a kids slipped and fell. He looked up and said "I hit me a slick spot, Granny".
That is the way I feel.
I am going into a doctors check up with an extremely thorough young doctor who is gonna make sure I stay on this planet. I just fear that I am gonna end up with a million pills and stuff. I know I am overweight and close to diabetes...yay, David!!!!
I am sitiing in my classroom listening to hollaback girl(yay shuffle) and I am looking at the cutest picture of myself as a baby. I really am trying to figure out how I turned out fat, itchy and depressed.
The truth is that I am feeling pretty meaningless and pretty sad.
Hit me a slick spot, Granny.

typical

That I would write for six weeks about outback,80's bands and such,and just kinda glaze over the big stuff

We have a new President.

I thought I had a heart attack

I might be diabetic

i have to turn my health around

i had twelve blood tests

hey,who do you like in the super bowl.

Clint Eastwood

so I am at a local bar...the same one as the wonder bread discussion and a friend of mine,speaking of Clint Eastwood's new movie, Gran Torino."It's great...and I know Clint.have known him for years,had beers with him"...and I have no doubt that he is telling the truth,but I missed his point because I too have a Clint Eastwood story...and I missed his story thinking about it.

Many years ago Bruce and I visited my friend Steve down at the Monterey Shakespeare Festival.  Steve was playing a track suited Theseus in a modern dress version of Midsummer Night's Dream.  one night we decided we should have a burger at The Hog's Breath Inn,then owned by Mayor Eastwood.  So,there was no doubt it was owned by Eastwood.  You walked in and there were pictures of Clint in all his movies.  There were no signs that said "Feelin lucky,punk?  Try todays fish special" or "  Go ahead,make my eggs" ,but Clint permeated the place,for sure.

Well,my friend Steve has always told stories about meeting people.  He is a singer now and has met a bunch of people,but at this point I wasn't always sure.  He began to tell a story of seeing Clint here,and then,jokingly saying things like "and I know Clint,have known him for years,you know,had beers with him"....

and we sit down...

and I was sitting there thinking the menu was good,food wise,but if it were me,I would've gone for a little more kitsch"Our waitresses are any which way but loose",  "Our burgers are grilled in the line of fire,add some clyde fries for a few dollars more"

and as i was thinking how Clint missed the kitsch boat, Bruce said to me "There's Eastwood" and I looked,and at the next table was a guy that looked like Eastwood.  Now,I was from a drama program where our teacher knew the guy who played Scotty from Star Trek.  It was made clear to us that we couldn't ask for his autograph,called him Scotty,or say "Beam Me Up". I have a cool resolve,but did a double take because,it really was Eastwood.   We sat and ate our Eastwood,  I mean burger,not once clinting about think.  Small talk  "Hey,could you guys pass the Clint".  And we made it.  Clint got up and left....

Then Steve decides to get his autograph.  "Go with me" he says knowing I"m the friend who will dance in front of the fancy french restaurant,I"m the one who will yell "I shot my wad" as you come out of the tunnel of the matterhorn.(never really realized how bad that sounded)...So going up with Steve was a no brainer.  Here is the transcription of Steve and Clint's scene.

Clint:  Yes...

Steve:  Uh,uhm,Clint,hey,uhm,can you,uh,sign this?

Clint;(Nicely)  Yeah,could ya wait a minute. I"m talking to these people.

Steve:  Oh,uhm,  sorry(Steve leaves.  Clint looks at David)

i said sorry and left....BUT....if I had a time machine,I would go back and knowing what I know now I would say

"I Loved Gran Torino.  I think you are incredibly underated.  I think you know movies.  I think you aren't afraid to take risks.  I never realized how much respect I had for you"

and he would say

"What's Gran Torino?"

People have hinted that Gran Torino might be Eastwood's swan song as an actor. If so,what a way to go. We forget that Eastwood cut his teeth on the great cinema of the 60's,in the great era of the antihero.  Still filled with that ambiguity Eastwood is not afraid to show darkness.  Only he could show World War 2 from both sides...the american Flag of Our Fathers and the Japanese Sands of Iwo Jima.  Eastwood played the conflicted for years.  One of his finest directed films was Mystic River,a novel by one of my go to authors Dennis Lehane.  Mystic River shows the ambiguity of faith,family and revenge.

I used to review movies for my college paper,and am done reviewing,but I will say this: Gran Torino is a great picture.  It tells a story of bigotry and gangs,of redemption in the unredeemable.  It is a film that you can talk about from the moral standpoint,from character decisions.  The other thing I enjoyed about it was that it was funny at times.  Eastwood does an amazing job playing a bigoted war vet.  It is not politically correct,and really not political.

Once Denzel Washington was nominated for best actor against Clint Eastwood.  He said "I mean,who am I going  to lose to,Clint Eastwood?  I mean,I love him,but come on".   Well Eastwood definitely turns in a stellar performance in this.

and thank god for storytellers like eastwood,who are not afraid to get their feet dirt,or their reputation looked at.

Milk

I never cry.
I was a sensitive child who often got yelled at for crying.
I never cry at movies.
I am sentimental, often get teary at things, but never full on cry.

My friend Pat Fusco saw the movie Milk yesterday and one of the things she mentioned was the amazing diversity of the ages of the people watching. Today I saw Milk, and immediately thought of that as well.
Here is my history. I write social issue plays that maybe wouldn't play everywhere. One of them has two boys kissing at the end of it. One is a musical based on the AIDS quilt. I write these plays to amend the fact that I was once a teenager and I once yelled "Fag" from cars. I was phobic...or pretended to be. To be cool. But now I tend to be a poster boy for equal rights. I think partially, you don't exist in theatre without knowing people from all walks of life, and if you dont...well you may end up playing that which you don't understand,and it is your responsibility to get it right.
Harvey Milk was a hero. He spoke up for human rights the way King spoke up, the way Cesar Chavez spoke up. The movie is profound in it's capturing of an era, of it's "where it all happened" quality. The film pulses with life and humor and dignity. Sean Penn just washes away as soon as the film starts. He is a miracle,especially since he is a fairly surly person in public. The supporting cast creates a family, the direction is wonderfully artistic, but stays on task.
Great movie. In the film the focus is upon Milk trying to defeat Prop 6, a law that would eliminate jobs for gay teachers...The film shows Milk as David vs Goliath, one who is not always interested in winning, but in making his position heard. And I thought to myself...if only 6 months earlier. I, at one point,passionate man that I am stated fairly loudly when the religious right was speaking about safety of their children said "Isn't that fucking deja vu".

       The script and the construction was fantastic,jumping to Milk at a tape recorder,recording a thing in case he were to die.  When the inevitable happens to Milk,he ultimate says "You gotta leave em with hope".  

I thought of my friends Mark and Mark,married legally .  I thought of all those kids that come out,and those who commit suicide because it is thought of as wrong.  I thought of that gut wrenching moment when you think things are better,things are much better and you then realize you are living in a state that is going backwards in it's voting practices.

The credits rolled

and I wept

differences in Charleston

Baby Hugh is my new hero

well,we just got back from Charleston,South Carolina...Yeah,I love when people react to that.  They expect southern california,disneyland,something....but alas,not Charleston...home of my sister in laws and their new baby,Baby Hugh ,who read this blog,and actually got us a present inspired by the blog...

ok, now you get to take a quiz...

what did my sister in laws give us for christmas inspired by my blog

A)  A WANT YOU....A Bread Retrospective...four disks

B)  An Outback Gift Card

C)  The Heart of Rock and Roll, the Huey Lewis autobiography

D)  A new father.

the answer is B.

Well, in consideration of those of you who have never been to South Carolina,here are some differences.

NAMES...We stayed in a rental house,and it had a name..The Goat Patch...Does that sound like a three story, three bedroom,three bathroom,four tv mansion across the street from the ocean?  I mean,not only do things have names,but weird names...some you can't figure out...Puff's Little Dream, Editor's View, Stubby and Short,   other's are a little clearer,  Max's Tax Shelter, Dolphin's Run, Drug Money Hideaway... and others are just jokes...Juan in a million,  Grouper Therapy,  Life's a beach then you buy....

How do these names occur?  Do you buy and name?  Do you name and then buy?

and the other thing is that everybody has nicknames....My former brother in law is named James Dowell Gandy iii, and is nicknamed Tripp, My nephew James Dowell Gandy iv is nicknamed Dowell,my new nephew is named Houston Hill Hollinger and is called Hugh.  In my stays I have met Gator....I want to meet a girl nicknamed Manatee.

and names are different anyway...Of course we are the standard bearers for names here...I have taught Summer,Winter,Spring and Autumn in the same year.  I know of Zephyr(two), Rio,Diva, Justice,Alabama...

in charleston there are people named Remington and Hampton...

SMOKING....people smoke...well,you are in tobaccoville...but I swear to god....a couple of times I would come from a bar and have to say,"I smell like smoke"...

We're talking smoke signals,campfires, the towering inferno...

So,my mother in law,who tends to have opinions and theories about things, says "Well,you have to understand that this is tobacco country" and in my mind I thought "and that makes them impervious to cancer".

BARBECUE...Ok,hatfields and mccoys, Cal vs Stanford, The Smothers Brothers vs. CBS,nothing has topped the great barbecue rivalry...Let me tell ya that being a late boomer cal suburb kid

I was never esposed to real barbecue...that stuff with the charcoal and the sauce,and dad with the sauce brush on sundays...that is grilling.  Barbecue is a religion...actually,more defined but equally as devout amongst the followers.  I was first exposed to the actual art of barbecue when I had a play in Kansas city.  Walking into Gates BBQ with women shouting "HI can I help you?",a super variety of sauces and smells,and ribs,and burnt ends,and sandwiches and brisket...oh my!!!  But in KC everybody  aligns with different barbecue places,the most revered being Arthur Bryants. When Arthur Bryant died there was an editorial cartoon where he went to heaven, and a robed figure asked him..."did you bring sauce?"....

but barbecue is not sauce,it is smoking,and rubs,and(Oh my god ,it sounds like a college party).

But no matter how many people tell you barbecue is not sauce,the lines seem to be drawn in that way...and South Carolina barbecue is pork!!!!and mustard based sauce....  Now,my mother in law is a devout Kansas City Smokestack follower.  One time we wanted mustard based barbecue and she wouldn't eat it.  

but I have to tell ya,any barbecue that is in front of me is my friend, and mustard based is amazing...it is haunting,haunting did you hear me,haunting,and I can stop anytime I want...

but isn't it funny that people need that way to define who they are.  There was a record store that alphabetized everything by artists instead of by genre....then there was a sign that said "Music is Music"....A lot of people hated that store.

CIVIL WAR...

Sometimes ya want to say  "It's over"...but South Carolina is the cradle of the Civil War,where the first shots were fired,literally.  So never say The Civil War...it is the war of northern aggression,or the recent unpleasantness...  

but considering that our richest history in Fairfax happened when Van Morrison walked the streets,or when Irving Berlin played piano in a treehouse for tourists in the 20's,South Carolina,with it's pirate attacks (Blackbeard was 6'5 and put smoking stuff in his beard to scare people),places bearing literally the idea of of George Washington Sleeping There....pretty amazing...

BUT these things remain the same....We went to Charleston to celebrate the birth of a child...No,not little baby Jesus, but baby Hugh, my sister in laws' baby boy born on December 20th.  A labor of love and determination and science and nature and wonder and family,Baby Hugh is a wonder.  One thing that is the same is that Hugh is loved,by his two moms,his grandparents,his 16 year old brother,and the world.  Thornton Wilder once said that each baby born is natures attempt at achieving perfection, and Hugh is no exception,but no one expects him to be perfect.  We are a family that loves him,and his prescence on this planet..and hopefully that is the same as everywhere else.

the death of wonder bread

ok,so I am sitting in our local brewpub...the evolution of which has in itself been a bit of an epic.  Before it was the brewpub it is now it was an upscale brewpub.  One that tried to pair the elegant meals with the beer.  You know,no thanks.  I want nachos that aren't made with birch parlor smoked venison and hot house tomato based gilroy free range garlic salsa,and organic habeneros.  Give me the frickin cholestorol bomb...i mean really.  And pairing the beer?  PBR baby.  (I"m actually kidding,I like microbeer...a lot).  And these mountain biker people,really nice, are talking about some food, and they say "It reminds me of the bread they used to have..Wonder Bread...oh,remember that bread?  Red,blue,yellow circles on the package.  Really,remember that?".  

"Wait?" i say,outweighing them by twice.  "They still make Wonder Bread."

'Oh,no way>  No."

"Absolutely."  knowing well they were the food snobs...they were just waiting at the bar for the venison to age slightly.  They were waiting for the other bar to reopen.

These are the people that drive me crazy.  We have a bunch of friends who don't have t.v.s.  Ok,that is fine.  I never watch mine...but I mean,you're living in the world,ya know.  Open your eyes.  

I was at a party...ok,the party was at my house, and my friends were talking about the new simpsons movie.  This guy says"  The Simpsons....are they still on?"

What?

What?

So these people who decry wonder bread....they are the ones who have a secret stash in their closet(it never goes bad) and after they feed the kids the bean sprout filets,come on,we know it,they go to the closet ,pull out the wonder and the velveeta and make grilled cheese sandwiches.  Ok,you know that sounds good.

Allright,we could eat healthier,for sure....But when we throw a party the first thing to go is the mac and cheese.  This is not box,it is homemade,but it is not some whole wheat pasta,guyere and blanched goat milk thing with capers.  It's macaroni,and cheese,and butter,and milk,and bread crumbs(probably the dreaded wonder).

and it's so fun to see these women who feed their children oat bran cookies just mainlining the mac and cheese.....and taking the spray easy cheez and sucking it down like it's a bong.

  so i went to the wonder bread website.  Still exists.  Still exists.  It will be here after you homesprouted spelt bread has bit the dust.  and ,hey!!!!they have recipes.

So there is this guy at the brewpub who decided the salsa wasn't hot enough,brought his own peppers and gave them to the kitchen.  He sits there and sweats,and eats all this stuff the special make just for him.  What do you think they would do if I brought my own wonder bread...or better yet,a recipe for cheesy puffy cassarole from the wonder website...and then,after the sat the creation in front of me I asked them for a beer pairing.

a coupla my favorites

so, here are a couple of the people who live in my county...or who used to.  An entirely new blog could be written about the eccentrics who live there....guys who wear long gowns and ride skateboards through town,long bearded and yelling "Mahalo" like some Waikiki Messiah(good band name,I think).  In ols school Mill Valley,before the the bad money element rolled in, we were taught to be respectful of the eccentrics,of the men who told you we were being taken over by aliens,sticking out their tongues and teaching people how to taste the metallic mind contaminent in the air...respectuful of the artists who spelled out a giant grilled cheese sandwich with slices of velveeta.  Respectful of the retarde man who wansered downtown telling everyone to have a nice day.  We even knew his name...George Grant.

           In one of my last blogs I wrote about the musicians who live in our area....One that I forgot about was Elvin Bishop.  Now frankly I am not the biggest Elvin Bishop fan,and know he was a blues player who had one cross over hit,"fooled around and fell in love",which was the ballad of my senior prom...really,the one slow dance the band knew....played it twice.  Well Elvin Bishop is a local guitar player.  One night I was at a high school music project,and Elvin Bishop sat in....with freshmen....and they all just acted like he was anybody.  Some guy said "Hey man, wow these kids don't even know he's fucking Elvin Bishop"   >  I wanted to yell"Fooled around and Fell,Elvin...take me back to the prom..".

Oh,and we had this other musical icon named Chuck Day.

Chuck Day played the local bar scene in Fairfax...And we have a pretty good bar scene.  We have five bars in two blocks.   And everybody here plays music.  You know how in l.a. all your waiters are actors....here your auto repairman fronts the local blues band.   Your waitress sings for big brother and the holding company...seriously.

Well Chuck Day died,and  the whole music scene went from bar to bar,ala new orleans,musicians singing,and bands playing.  I popped in to 19 Broadway to hear a band,and I saw a guy I once worked with,,,

"Hey Man?"

"Hey Joe"

"Chuck was the best"

"(trying not to imply I am there for the band)  Oh,for sure,Man"

"I loved Chuck,Man.   Quite a history"

"yeah...history"

So,I tried to find out the history.  Ok,remember that Johnny Rivers song "Secret Agent Man" .  Chuck Day created that riff.  Even if you haven't ever heard the song,you've heard the riff.

Chuck Day played guitar on "California Dreaming" and was the second guitarist with the Mama's and The Papas.

Chuck Day fathered Cass Eliotts baby.

Chuck Day lived in Fairfax...wait,what?  Let's go back...

what?

ChuckDay was Mama's baby daddy?

That is pretty frickin cool.

For me,that is the pop cultural element....not even the "who did who" but the fact that who got done in a time and a place of vitality and incredible exploration.  And in someways our county is probably jammed packed with that kind of info.

I was sittin next to a guy in my local brewpub.  He was talking about the reunion of the summer of love,how he did some acid there and it was ok.  I said "Do alot of acid in the 60"s?".  "Oh, i was probably responsible for a million hits".

Ok...a million hits.

I've done acid three times...and sometimes my little finget turns into a snake...Not really...

   a million hits.

Well,turns out he made it and sold it.  Now I have already told you that in Marin County you can't seem freaked out by any of this.

"Yeah,I made and sold acid"

"(HOLY SHIT!!!!!!) Oh,wow.  Really?"

"yeah..I served my time"

"(WHAT THE F....)Really?(I hear someone calling me over here)

"  Yeah,I was in jail""  Yeah,man.  Stick it to the man"  .  Nope. didn't say that.

Buttey Lewis

My friend Monica tells me that Huey Lewis lives in Montana and was in the broadway production of chicago...

ok.

The zombiest place on earth

ok,so what is it with the whole zombie thing.  Is it that we have become zombie like,with our Ipods and computers...that we are one step from George Romero Land...George Romero made Zombies really popular with night of the living dead.....I just have to stop for a moment and divert on how weird disneyland is.  I mean,it's a park named after a guy.  Well,what about Romeroland.  I mean George Romero has a following like Disney did.   Romeroland might fly.  Zombies of The Caribbean ,The Zombie Mansion....Peter Zombie...Zombie Mouse.  If I keep playing this game I will realize that substituting Zombie for things might lead to confusion.  I realized that when naming Zombie Mouse, so I guess his wife would be Minnie Zombie,and they could hyphenate their names  Minnie Zombie-Mouse and Zombie Zombie-Mouse...but what about their pet Pluto and friend Goofy.  They both would just be named Zombie.  

This reminds me of the time that my friends and I were sleeping over at Scott Weiss's house, and we substituted part of a t.v. series with the word "ass".  Oh the things teenagers do, except that I am not sure we were still in high school.  So Voyage to the bottom of the sea became Voyage to the bottom of the ass...  and Then The Dick Van Ass Show, Dragass (or assnet)...and then the coplication arose when Steve wanted to do Bonanza and all he  said was "Ass".

And problems arise when  naming rides....do Splash Mountain and Space Mountain become both Zombie Mountains...or I was thinking Splash Zombie and Zombie Mountain.  Maybe you could ride a car shaped like a zombie on Splash Zombie.

and Maybe instead of Mickey ears, you would have Zombie Zombie Mouse ears that are rotted on the edge,with a piece of exposed brain in the back.   Hey,this is really taking shape.  Maybe I can use some of my bailout money to greenlight this baby.

and since the newest disney thing is shooting things ala carnival style video games,toy story style, I think Pixar should do a Zombie Story ride where you can shoot them,and they collapse.  Zombie Potato Head,Zombie Slinky Dog.  Buzz Zombieyear and the cowboy, Zombie.

I am not going to transfigure Jessie the Cowgirl,because frankly,she's my favorite...I have had a crush on her for awhile now.  So she would just be the scream queen who runs partially clothed through the ride....like in the movies of ...Rob Zombie.

Huey Lewis and The News

I live in Marin County. To other people I say San Francisco....it is just easier. I had a roomate in college that was under the impression that Mill Valley was a farm town. Mill Valley. Well,he was from Beverly Hills,so maybe to him Dubai is a farm country. Marin County is home to many stars. It isn't l.a. where my friends kids get bullied by Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson's son....but it does have it's share of celebs....of course,many of them are old rockers,really old rockers. When we moved into our house somebody told us that Janis Joplin had hung out at our house. On our first party,when adults were hitting the walls literally,I began to believe that maybe Janis's spirit hadn't left...either that or the evils of teaching take its toll. Turns out Joplin lived in Larkspur....but her drummer, Dave Getz,is our neighbor. I taught his daughter.he seemed ok.

This has become an actor haven. Fucking Sean Penn lives around here. I love him as an actor,partially because I see what a reclusive miscreant he can be. His wife, Robin,came into a bagel store where I frequent. She seemed ok.

I saw Jerry Garcia once. Bonnie Raitt was having coffee. No better sighting has taken place than George Lucas who is a local,who has a fairly modest home up from us,and loves Marin because he can blend in. The trick to living in expensive paradise that we pretend to afford is that if any mega-celeb walks by you can fall apart privately,but you aint some housewife from Toledo who falls apart at the mention of sylvester stallone when he is mentioned at universal studios. She was next to me,and she was like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally....but see,I was raised in Marin,so I can be "a chiller".

so george lucas walks into our local mexican restaurant,and is waiting for a table. It's Marin,so we all pretend he isn't important,and he likes it that way. Nobody steps up and says "I am your father, George" or " Wow,George...I think the dialogue in part 2 is wildly overated". He is just waiting for a table, MIles says "Wow,I wonder how he became a filmmaker. " and I,breaking the cardinal rule, said "why don't you ask him?"....and he bounded off...'don't mention jar-jar" I say.

I keep my head focused on the appetizer platter saying to Erika "I mean,he's a kid. He's not asking for some rare script to be autographed,or a picture to be taken"...and I expect him to come back several seconds later...and he doesn't come back...I look up from the taquitos to see my savvy ten year old chatting with George Lucas...then he comes back.

"What did he say"

"Well,he did short movies when he was young...and he went to film school at usc...(insert George info here)."

Hey,I don't care how bad his dialogue is...and how many nerdy jabba the hut fanatics he has spawned....George Lucas is allright with me.

Now, another Marin County dynasty is an alumni of my high school. Hugh Craig. You weren't alive in Marin County or the 80's and not exposed to Hugh and his tam high alumni friends. Huey Lewis and the News. I loved them...I once saw them at the OAKLAND COLISEUM. THe

crowd was nuts. They booed the opening act...a mexican based accordian rock band....The lead singer said "Oh,you don't know real music"...and considering the band was Los Lobos,one of the great longstanding bands,he was actually right. HUeY CAME DOWN IN A HUGE CABLE CAR TO THE STRAINS OF HEART OF ROCK AND ROLL. SF's premier cable car bell ringer came played a bell solo to heart of rock and roll. It was amazing.

But Los Lobos has become the worlds most respected band of musicians and Huey...well I haven't seen him in years. Occasionally he would come into where I got coffee in the morning,looking like he was still living that rockstar life without really having much fire behind him. Huey and he News played our county fair two years ago. Gone the way of kc and the sunshine band and Peter Frampton.(Ok,for the storytelling element I will ignore the fact that Los Lobos has played there too)...Fame is fleeting.

but wealth can still be made. Huey and the news play corporate gigs for like Apple at 150,000 dollars a pop. They can play at the bankruptcy parties.

now lets finish up by playing the PANDORA game. Pandora is internet radio that you type in an artist and then it creates a radio station based on the characteristics of your artist. I just typed in Huey Lewis...and this is who I have heard while writing this piece

huey lewis

reo speedwagon(keep on loving you.eeeeeeek)

Huey Lewis

zz top(what?)

Kenny Loggins(footloose...see blog called bloggins and messina)

winwood

phil collins

billy joel

huey

men at work(I"m sure they are playing at a county fair in australia somewhere)

journey(I saw the lead singer drunk one day at the cantina...now bought by carlos santana...whose father was a mariachi there)

j geils.

GOD,HUEY WAS A LOSER!!!!!!!!!!

is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare.

Yes, it is.

hollywood high

First scene...disney cruise, july...Second day on the boat my son wants to go to the swimming pool on the ninthe deck...We wander up,and realize that the water slide dumps into a quarter inch of water. He does that once,and we wander over to the bigger pool....to find it packed...and the forty foot screen is playing Disney's cultural phenom High School Musical. You haven't lived until you have seen two hundred kids splashing to "Stick to the Status Quo"...

Scene 2......Disney Cruise,Miles is at the kids club,and E and I are wandering the huge ship. Wewalk by the theatre(First run movies....because we own them all) and we see they are playing Camp Rock...Camp Rock starring the Jonas Brothers...We sit and watch it,and I realize that it is High School Musical at camp. Suddenly a plan takes place. I am gonna write a high school musical satire.

a satire of the squeaky clean disney image...no drugs,no sex, an alternative teen universe

So I just realized that I had already posted this, whereas usually I keep drafting. But hey, it's all experimental anyway. So, I take this concept to the typewriter..a computer actually, and I start to work it. I have 15 kids and a director, My ex student Lexie Papedo. I could blog about her for days. She's that cool. And so I write. Yes, I sit at the computer and I start to get the whole thing going.

Now, writing for me these days is a series of stops and starts. I can get going enthusiastically and then just fizzle(see 12 blogs and then none, for instance) but things start to move pretty fast. I look at HSM with that parodic(should be a word) eye and I am given all kinds of possibilities. I see big hats at the beginning, I want to create some absurd sport for the stud to play...it becomes badminton. and the songs start to flow. I want the show to stand on it's own, so I am going to write a few anthems that we will repeat. I always want songs to get stuck in peoples heads. It has always been that way with my shows. I always think I would be a good jingle writer. I bang out the first 16 pages...and then we get to work.

From a producer's standpoint this is box office poison. 15 kids don't bring in a lot of revenue, and we ,welcome to the world at the end of the Bush Admin, are hurting big time. But the show is gonna be fun, right?

We get the rest of the script nailed down and then we just work. 6 dance numbers,12 musical numbers in all. Lexie, Choreographer/actor Lily Housh and I just chipping away.

And the show is ready to open. Kids don't know all their lines quite, but we are getting there. Lexie and I are sure we will have 35 non laughing people. Our theatre opens and we go people start coming in....130 people later, we start. Great house for a tuesday night....and people love it. The strangest part of it is the show kinda takes a life of it's own. It is not a rip job on High School Musical, but rather a really funny high school of it's own....People who loved HSM loved it, people who Hated HSM<...loved it.

And I realize that the world of high school musical, somewhat sanitized, is not a bad place to dwell. The world of musicals brings people to a happy place. It represents an optomistic view that we maybe need at this moment in time.

And the small crowds? We sold out two nights of four.

another run through the ipod

connectivity is a skill.  

I enjoy listening to the ipod and trying to figure out why the music 

is there.

PAPERBACK WRITER THE BEATLES.....There is not a beatles song that exists that I don't remember when I first heard it.  Usually ti was my brother's room.  I love this tune.  If I had the rights to create a Beatles Musical this would be one of the opening numbers.  God, then I would have to have some young writer named Jude

the impression that i get the mighty mighty bosstones.

I had never heard this until two years ago when I downloaded a ska thing.  This is one of my favorite tunes.  Never had to knock on wood and I"m glad I haven't yet cause I am sure it isnt good,  That's the impression that I get.

LIKE A ROLLING STONE....BOB DYLAN,

I used to think dylan was just weird for the sake of being weird....And then I saw the scorcese doc NO DIRECTION HOME...and I realized what an amazing artist he is...chameleonic, ever bucking the trend,never one to get on a bandwagon,a pulse for so many years.

I realized how genius he was when trying to write Dylanesque songs for my Dylan Doppleganger, Levi Poe, in the rock club musical Aurora Blue.  And Like a rolling stone was one of his first forays into electric music,a journey that led him to many controversies and triumphs.  The besy story of this tune is that the famous organ part was created by Al Kooper,on the spot.  He had never played organ before.

KU'U HOME O KEAUKANI    NA LEO

The royal Grove is the greatest hotel in Waikiki.  Family owned by the Fongs, the small pink hotel lies two minutes from the beach...Nothing fancy,this is where locals stay...On wednesday nights they have a jam session in the sitting room.  Lots of beautiful voiced hawaiian men sitting around singing songs of their youth.  This song reminds me so much of the vibe of The Royal Grove...old school,non touristy hawaii.   A place where one woman came for a week and stayed for three months....and where the desk clerk came for a month and stayed for 20 years.

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT TORI AMOS

One of my most profound tv watching experiences came one day when I was watching MTV and they had a new video...a work by a woman named tori amos called silent all these years.  Here was a perfect example of some profound song that I had never heard...and she in her electric,oddly appealing glory(I have a thing for noses).  And it was a profound song...one that dictated me to write a play called outside the castle.  This is a cover of Nirvana.  I love covers.

LOVE ME DO THE BEATLES...Ok, so the beatles phenom......There is this book called twilight,and it has caused crazy girls to pass out and whatever.  One of my students said..It's no different than the beatles.....Ok,you tell me where Twilight will be in forty five years...Just saying.Just saying

my ipod

So, here is what I am doiing today,my ipod is on shuffle and I am going to make an attempt to connect emotionally to each song as it comes up. I don't know. It has been a long time since blogging, and I am trying to justify the time off, and the amounts of money I have spent on songs

ANDY WILLIAMS...BUTTERFLY Andy williams holds some fascination for me. First off he wore a christmas sweater better than Anyone. Second of all, he is a guilty pleasure of mine and Bruces. Thirdly his wife Claudine Longet killed her lover, Spider Sabich. I don't know. I am listening for anguish of adultery in the song....Nope, not there

TODAY JEFFERSON AIRPLANE....Not to be mistaken for that folk song Today, while the blossoms still sing on the vine that Lisa Wilcox sang in the 4th grade talent show. Just to get that straight. I borrowed this album from Miles' K-1 Teacher, Mr Tim who has incredible tastes, and I turned him onto PIXIES....and Mr Tim was at woodstock, and was in a tent with people having sex next to him. This was not in his kindergarten lessons.

TWILIGHT SKIES ALICE GOMEZ...iNO WAY ASSOCIATED wITH tWILIGHT THe book series. (god I could blog about that)...(If Bread had written Twilight...jesus) This is part of my most listened collection...Massage Mix deep cuts off of ITunes which I listen to often. I downloaded it because my wife needed some mellow music for her classroom. I use it for visualizing with my class.

LAZY BIRD JOHN COLTRANE Jazz has been a very important genre to me, I think symbolically, the idea is improvising over the chord changes, which is my favorite thing to do in real life. I came to John Coltrane later in my life, always sort of thinking he was a little too avant garde. Not at all, he is easily now the jazz artist I listen to the most... One of the coolest things about Coltrane is that he kicked heroine addiction cold turkey, and put all his energy into religion and the saxophone...I get tired of the kids I teach saying things like "I have no process" and "I"m gonna be an actor" and not working on their craft. John Coltrane basically was one of those "sold his soul at the crossroads" musicians who disappeared an ok sax player, and came back an absolute icon of improvisation and fire. Oh, there is this cool bowed bass solo on this...so cool.

I went to the blue note on my birthday in new york to see a coltrane tribute and they played this tune. And if you have never heard Coltrane and Johnny Hartman....you should

bossa nova baby elvis PRESLEY...I would have never been an elvis fan without my high school friend Steve Barker. This is from Fun in Aculpulco...a really fun elvis movie(some of them are so bad) and he plays organ in a little bolero jacket. My wife and I wentto Graceland for our honeymoon

RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER AL MARTINO...It's christmas music, it's lounge music. Al Martino was a singer who also was in the Godfather playing basically Frank Sinatra. Now Al is singing with a chorus, a true lounge christmas moment. I remember having the gene autry version on vinyl at my parents house. I remember it fondly

STACY'S MOM FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE..... What do the fountains of Wayne and Tom Hanks have in common. Adam Schlesinger, writer for Fountains of Wayne wrote the theme song to That Thing You Do. I absolutely love this pop stuff. The perfect example of a good hook, that repeated part oof a song that stick in your cheek like a hook in a fish STACY'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON". mILES and I once wrote a transformers version "Megatron has got it going on"

HERE I AM DIONNE WARWICK...NO singer represents my youth more than Dionne Warwick singing all those Bacharach-David masterpieces. Her black and white image was fused into variety programs of the 60's always singing some new genius piece. Bacharach and Davids pop gems have always been part of my life. Once in New York I went to the Brill Building where they wrote, sat in the lobby and tried to pick up the vibes

prop 8

ok,so last month we had one event we had to go to. It was one that we were not going to miss. We were short on money,so we left on Friday and drove to los angeles. We stayed the night with Erika's mom in the valley and we went towards the hollywood hills early afternoon. We went to an elegant house,were greeted by the warmth that one only gets with old theatre friends...a warmth acquired by intense life,mostly lived when you were younger,the warmth felt when you have created art and lived life,profoundly.

My Mark,as I call him,dressed in a white tux and his soon to be spouse, other Mark,dressed the same, stood greeting the small wedding party. I have known Mark for 23 years. I have written two plays with him.I have stayed with him. We get mad at each other,we always laugh a lot. His pristine nature combined with my...uh,non pristine nature has deemed us to be called the Odd Couple of Musical Theatre. Here is a guy I know very well. And his happiness has always been utmost important to me.

The marriage of Mark and Mark went off without a hitch...well, the minister was late, and Mark came up to Miles and asked him if he could do the ceremony. Miles is an 11 year old ordained minister of the universal life church. He got ordained to dress like Elvis and renew our vows...hasn't happened yet,but on our twentieth anniversary,it will. Finally the minister showed up. And the beauty began. I turned to Miles at one moment and said "History. You are witnessing history".

Ok, jump cut to two weeks before elections,watching some product of some ad agency running rampant across my screen. Proposition 8 will ban gay marriages...that's what it will do. And as an ad agency, someone had to figure out what is the thing that will prohibit people from voting no on it. Well,here is the hook. The ads for proposition 8 say that voted down, it will be legal to have gay marriages and then the schools will have to teach children it is ok. ....

That's all they got. And the truth is,as far as I see it, that's all there is. It's a moral issue,plain and simple. The ads talk about special interest groups trying to push this forward to benefit them. And children will be exposed to gay marriages.

and prop 8,well the polls say it will win.

This sickens me.

I am very angry at this idea. I mean,my country has decided on the concept that war is ok...but marriage between people who love each other...not so much. Even Obama and Biden seem to be against the concept of this union being called a marriage.

this sickens me.

enough said

One time I was teaching the book Johnny Got His Gun. to freshmen. The major thrust of the end of part one is the idea of fighting for liberty. Liberty...what is it? Who is to say our liberty is more important than the guy in germany or nigeria or wherever. How can you fight for something that you don't know what it really is...it's a concept. I really got into it. So much so that three years later, when they graduated some of them yelled "Liberty" out as loud as they could. Marriage has a definition as far as some people think. But what is that definition based on. And what changes in the world as far as changing that definition. Well, the only thing that I can tell that changes is more love gets recognized in the world...not some kind of perverted thing, but actually love, love that comes from hard work and committment...I have learned that most things are run dictated by fear or love. So, our society is fighting for liberty for people half way across the globe, while denying liberty for those next door. I think if I had a world, I would want it to be filled with another loose term...love. And if we deny that, what to we teach our children, that our love is good, but your aunt's is bad....remember that wonderful ceremony we loved, well it isn't legal. Why not? Because marriage is defined this way.

I know this isn't my typical writing today...but I am frankly extremely dissapointed with our state and civilization right now.

The Ethel Papers

It's Sunday here,and that weird concept of getting things done.  Laundry, of course, must be done...Waffles must be eaten.   My father must be visited.  I like to get that done early because, well, it allows the possibility of a better day.  I want to make  it clear that My dad and I have our moments of getting along.  It's usually in dreams,but there are cultures that believe that dreams are the reality.  Yes, and when I meet an aboriginal or a shaker,well, I will give them a big hug.  

        I sometimes worry that I am going to have the same relationship with Miles as my dad has with me...I guess since Miles and I go every day and do something,and my father and I went o football games and wrestling matches, it sets up a contrast.  It is actually hard to describe the relationship of my father and I.  One contrast is that I have an imagination, the kind of imagination that creates dilogue about the naming of a 70's rock group,or the recontextualizing of Saving Private Ryan as a Trader Joes parking lot.  My dad's imagination has to do with people eating his dessert and going with my mom to a corned beef and cabbage feed.  My mom has been dead for fourteen years.   But it used to be that the most imagination he had was ....well,none.  I can't think of one time we ever played the game Miles and I play, the what if game/  

Miles:"What if the earth had no gravity"

Me:"Wow, what would cooking be like.  you would have to build a structure so the food wouldn't float away,but perhaps you could create sodas upside down"

Me:  Dad, what if the world had no gravity?

Dad:  But it does.  Do you get paid for thinking these things?

When I saw Field of Dreams there is a scene where a guy who never got along with his dad plays catch with his dead ghost father out on the cornfield baseball stadium.  When I saw it,I cried.  It was the perfect symbol of reunification of boys and their fathers by baseball.  I don't think there is a boy alive who hasn't played catch with their dad, and felt some sort of bond,no matter how fractured the rest of their lives might be.  I got on the phone and asked my dad if he wanted to go to a baseball game on Friday

"Friday?,  It's on giantvision.  It's on T.V.    we don't need to go there."

and when he finally did see the movie ...he loved it..."Except for that part at the end.  How could he play with his father at the end? His father was dead  That didn't make sense"

huge Sigh...

The other day, someone responding to my outback adventure said"How touching and sad it was about my father",remembering times past.  He was vibrant.   He was amazing in a lot of ways.  My father is the most disciplined person I know.  In 1968, the surgeon general report came out,and he pulled the non filtered camels out of his front pocket and never strayed again.....

When I wrote back to my friend,responding to the blog response I said"  Yes, he was doing really well for about the first 9 years after my mother died...The last five have been kinda tough"...and that's when the power of numbers hit me.

I have never been a numbers person.  I struggle with 6th grade math.  But that's what Mensa wives and high percentile kids are for,right?   And large numbers don't affect me.  I am unmoved by the mortgage,or how much it costs to buy a small house in Fairfax...but I was stunned by the effect of that small number on me.  14 years...and I wrote "I miss my mom".

Ethel Smith.

Wow...

You know, when someone dies you tend to praise them,even though they maybe were not as wonderful as they seemed.  Well, this does not happen with my mom.  My mom was a christian who practiced the values of christianity everyday.  She was kind to all.  She was our moral guidepost through the tumultous times of the 60's and 70's.  She did the work of a housewife, sometimes looked down upon by the liberation concept.  But she was constantly cheerful.  Her love for music and singing made me love music.  She always sang some song while cooking, and though she was...well,not always on key, what she lacked in pitch she made up for in joy.  There isn't a day I don't think about her.  Even right now,as I type,with my patented two finger system,I think of how she would blaze through stuff on the manual typewriter...a graduate of business school in Minneapolis during the war. 

I think of young Ethel and her life in the big city,after years of growing up on a rural farm with four brothers and sisters.  I think of the one room school house,and the fact there was only one other girl in her grade.  When she died one of the first laughs I got was thinking of that next class reunion and the woman showing up and saying "Where's Ethel".  See, the other thing is,My mom would've thought that was funny.

My mom had a bizarre sense of humor.   As religious as she was, she was not beyond trying to crack me up in church.  Once,at a christmas eve service, we sat and listened to the bell choir play what read in the program "A Little Advent Music".  Ten minutes later,as the bells were still playing the said piece, My mother grabbed a pencil and the program and between the words"Little" and "Advent Music" she wrote the words "Too Much".I had tears in my eyes for most of the rest of the service as we both tried to restrain ourselves.  This is the ame mother who would make homebaked cookies and serve them to my friends by singing "I'm the cookie Monster".   For some reason,every time my friend Seth would come through the door she would scream.   He took to screaming at her too.

I got my spirit of experimentation from my mother.  Ethel Smith had holiday traditions but would always try something new on holiday meals.  It might be some side dish,or dessert.  This always amazed my wife,who has solid holiday traditions...including the famous oyster stuffing,even though she  a)is from Missouri,the oyster capital of the midwest and 2) doest like seafood.   "Oyster Stuffing" I asked 20 years ago?   "You don't like seafood.".  

"Oh" she says. " You can't taste the oysters."   So,every year we have this stuffing that you can't taste the main ingredient.  At Ethel's house you would be slightly challenged,except of course that being from rural minnesota,it usually means cream of celery soup instead of cream of mushroom.

My father was disciplined.  My mother habitual.  When dad let go of his cigarettes it might've been an Ethel thought "Oh,more for me".  She smoked a couple packs a day,and at 5 oclock drank boxed wine out of glass containers that held processed cheese spread.  I never have smoked...(hate it,actually) but some of my favorite memories of her consisted of sitting in our breakfast nook,drinking coffee as she smoked.  When she died,my dad said "You know, I think she was still smoking".   I looked at him and said "She was supposed to quit?".  I opened a drawer that revealed the carton of cigarette underneath her homemade lace doilies.  My dad even had to laugh.  But, when I see my students smoking I try to tell them to stop.  I know what it feels like to have someone you love taken before their time.  I would hate for my students lives to be cut short by it,and henceforth effect the lives of the people that love them.

I loved my mother,and was very influenced by her beliefs, I believe in the goodness of people.  I believe that religion has a place for wonderful people.  I find myself often questioning the possibility of God much more seriously....because she believed.  And finally, she loved my dad.   This leads me to believe in his inherent goodness.  He is a man that makes me mad. He is a man that can irritate me.  And he is a man that loved my mother.   

As much as I like to say "I have problems" with my dad and "loved" my mother I know that they were a wonderful set of parents.   

My parents were polar opposites that love each other for 48 years plus.  They struck a balance of  responsibility and love that goes unmatched.     And all in all....that is what is important.

So the next time,and every time I worry about what I bring to my relationship with my son and wife, I want to make sure it is love.  Sometimes love is masked by all kinds of crap....But I know it exists.  I have seen it.  I have questioned it...and I have lived it.  

trader joes....

every week my son and I do the weekly shopping at trader joes. Great store. Great store. You know who trader joe was? He was the first person to bring frozen mandarin chicken and two dollar wine to the tropics...He also sold women from his boat...he was famous for "two buck chick". And he was also the inventor famous for creating the small,ridiculous parking lot. He would bring boatloads of rushed yuppies to the islands to get the natives used to long lines,near fatal traffic accidents, and juice.

We have a great shopping list my wife made that has basically all the stuff we ever buy,in the aisles of trader joes..in order.(hey,you down with ocd,well you know me). My son and I are to Trader Joes as Norm was to Cheers.

We roll through the store...Ok,you get the bananas, I"ll get the medjool dates,the green beans, and the guyere." One of the great things about Trader Joes is that even someone like my wife,who used to say she does eat anything she hadn't eaten before almost invariably must be tested.

My wife is sometimes super dubious

'What's this?"

"Sharp cheddar with carmelized Onions"

"What's this?"

"Gnocchi with gorgonzola sauce"

"What the heck is this?"

"They're called grapes"

but we always have a little bit better shot by adding...It's from Trader's to anything.

"What's this?"

"Flambed Weasel Tongues.....it's a new traders thing..."

"Oh,ok>"

we love it. One time my wife asked me to buy a non chuck and buck(weird movie). I have a rule though. Since she is no expert....Kansas City having a beef country,not a wine country...I limit my purchase to chardonnays under 6 dollars. At Trader Joes this is doable. They have fun names "Fish Wine", Chalk Hill" "Drink and Go Blind, Cheap Skate"...and she is always fine. My son and I usually shop within the 110 to 140 a week range...and we bought some cool 3.99 wine called Mer Du Soliel. This was the first week we were really trying to provide food for an entire week, and we ended up spending 175.00...Ok, bought more food. No prob. The next week we went back and my wife said "Oh, that Mer Du Soliel was good. Get some more of that. I came back that night and said " Decided not to get that wine again. Turned out it was 39.99. You had a forty dollar bottle of chardonnay.". Now I had a wine friend who shared a 4,000 dollar bottle of wine with my friend. Hell, that's almost a disney cruise.

And now they have a trader joes cookbook, with all the ingredients from Trader Joes. Great idea. My favorite section of the cookbook is called Bachelor Quickies(Two Buck f..., never mind) and it is just stuff you can warm up to impress your date. What? You need a cookbook for that?
Here's a recipe for Seafood Soiree. While the frozen cioppino is cooking, warm up Traders French Bread.... Wow!!! That is pretty tricky....and do ya think the bachlorette(why do I think of dating game when I use that term)falls for that? " Hey, cioppino. Wow,you did a better job with the calamari than you did with boiling water at my house last week. Tell me,how do you do it. Do your warm the bread before you sear the scallops,or after. Good homemade sauce. Let's have sex."

But really, Trader Joes is amazing. I wish sometimes not everybody felt that way. I hear that originally Steven Spielberg wanted to film the harrowing beginning of Saving Private Ryan in a Trader Joes parking lot...He actually tested some footage. The scene with the soccer mom carrying three bags of groceries,only to be struck down by the prius driver , in a great hurry to get his cioppino played allright. However, the scene where the woman,rushing to pick up her son from violin soccer, loses a leg by trying to wedge her suv into a compact spot, then picks up her own leg and and carries it into the store in a cart,just to get some of those peppermint joe joes, didn't test well. People thought is was too close to home. He decided to film in in Normandy instead.

And where I live,everybody wants another Trader's. They seem to be obsessed.

"That old Albertson"s....they're putting a Trader Joes in there"

Trader Joes is going into where tower records was"

"Hey, did you hear? They're paving paradise and Putting up a parking lot...With a big hotel a boutique and a Trader Joes."

But I will continue to shop at the island paradise. It has become a weekly tradition...like poker night, movie day, or family mine field exploration. I am drawn by value...and experimentation...and Mer Du Soliel.

The Big Texan

Ok...everyone warned us about going on a road trip for our honeymoon. But it was great. First off, we have a very quirky sense of what is cool. What is cooler than Dead Elvis? Right now you are probably thinking"Uhmm, anything" or "Uhmm, everything" or "Uhmm, live Elvis?". Nope, wrong. Dead Elvis....I mean, what? Anybody can have a following when they are alive? Are there Billy Corgan impersonator? Or Kanye West? Is there a David Hasslehoff Blvd? Or a memories of Micael Bolton Hotel? Can you get comforters of the movies of Kris Kristofferson? No....Is there a Roy Clark Family Cookbook?
These are the signposts of cool.

I am tired tonight so don't expect much. I am really good sometimes at the foreplay of blogging, and then, well my point goes flaccid, which has always been my problem. But people have seemed to be taken with my musings about Outback. I guess that it is unique that someone of my upbringing goes to Outback. Hey, I was middleclass white trash living in the early 60's in suburbia. My mother had a bible and a campbell soup recipe book. My father worked three jobs. We never went to Outback. Once every nine months or so we went to Sizzler. Sizzler had little plastic toothpick cows stuck in the meat to symbolize rare or medium rare............these are the memories. I remember going to Yet Wah in San Francisco for Anthony Fuscos birthday, and being shocked that the chow mein had soft noodles. Our ethnic treat was chow mein at Chinese Kitchen that came with those crunchy noodles.

Outback would've been like dining at the DownUnder Ritz.

But it wasn't until I started dating someone from Kansas City that I realized that steak could be elegant too. On my mother in laws birthday we went to a place on the plaza where they brought a meat cart around and you chose your own cut. Like tanked lobsters. But what the hell does someone who thought Malibu Chicken was a luxury know about cuts of meat.

Steakhouses are meant to be huge. That's why filet mignon always felt like a rip off to me. I mean, it is supposed to be about size. On our way back from our pilgrimage to Dead Elvis we ran into the epitome of steakhouse.

And so, I present to you, the steakhouse of all steakhouses....Amarillos Big Texan!!!!!!!

We were drwn by the road signs. We didn't have a true plan for our stay in Amarillo. I just saw it as a relatively short drive from Oklahoma City. Road signs are,of course, the essence of road travel. We had been pulled in on the way to Dead by the road signs for Wall Drugs. Free Ice Water...Wall Drug...."See the Jackalope,Wall Drug" "Cure Your Cancer...Wall Drug"...but the one that drew us was Free Coffee and donuts for honeymooners". Now my wife loves a bargain. sounds like a deal. 1000 miles of driving for free fried dough? It is the Manhatten of deals.

Out of Oklahoma City we started seeing signs with a big cowboy or a big cow or both. Now Texas is all about being big. The Big Texan. Is Rhode Island about being small. Are their tiny signs in New England for The Little Rhode Islander? The Big Texan lured us in slowly. "The Big Texan....Steakhouse and hotel". "The big Texan...Texas Shaped Pool". The Big Texan, free 72 oz steak..... " Wait,what? What? Well,yes. If you,while visiting the Big Texan can eat a 72 oz steak in one hour...you get it for free. If not, 40 bucks.....

ok,I love a gimmick as much as the next guy, but yuck. I mean,that is a roast. Not even my dad,rib man extraordinaire could do that...well at least not in an hour. And we weren't going to do that....and we didn't do that. But the call was there. We had to stay at The Big Texan....We had to eat at the big texan....if only to swim in the pool...

So ya gotta love a motel that has swinging bar doors to the bathroom. Cowboys don't need privacy I guess. Ya gotta also appreciate a wall painted with a sunset backdrop,as though you are looking through barbed wire. Oh and a pool shaped like Texas. In the gift shops you can get texas shaped everything...hot pads, ice cubes...a veritable gamut of temperatures. As long as the temperatures are big...big cold,big heat...

And in the rooms...they have menus for the restaurant.....it called us from every corner of our Pecos paradise. And it was time....time to eat.

I am telling you,walking in you knew. Just from the gift shop. Ashtrays,maps,steak earrings...yup. Taxidermied animals too. Snakes,Spiders...and as you get to the hostess station you see the cart....acornucopia of iced meat,waiting. and there is the middle,the holy grail of carnivores........the 72 oz,big texan steak. I swear small children were ice skating on it.

As you sit down you are directed to a list of people who have eaten the steak. That day, at noon, two brothers, one age 13,one age 11, had done it. Eaten the steak,roll,salad and shrimp cocktail. You imagine? You can't share it. Each one ate that. at lunch.

And for all my going on about Chain restaurants, we actually never eat at them. When we travel it is about the indiginous food of the region. You don't go to a new mexico Denny's or order barbecue at the Memphis Tony Roma's. You gotta get down and dirty with Charlie Vergos rendezvous. So, when at the Big Texan we just grin and pile when the salad bar has more cheese than vegetables( One time at Pigeon Forge tennessee we asked what the vegetables were and our waiter, Dale, said Potato Puffs.....{translation...tater tots})... This is regional cooking. Embrace it...except for those bull testicles.... Oh call em rocky mountain oysters if you want to, dress em up in a little batter...but I just can't get there. That's an appetizer at The Big Texan....(THE MENU SAYS "iF YOU THINK IT IS SEAFOOD,STICK WITH THE SHRIMP).

and so what did we eat?????????

Three orders of sheep ankles....stop. We ate a 16 oz steak, split. 8 oz of meat each.

and we were stuffed......stuffed........

So if you are at all enticed by the strange and unusual, and are traveling on highway 40(Old route 66) well,check it out.

I really want to thank those of you who have enjoyed my musings so far. If you think they are funny, pass them on to people...maybe not my dad...but otherwise, hey.

and if you run into a place that has a rhode island shaped pool...let me know